Sanguinity

Weekly Photos

2012-02-15T15:14:00.001-05:00

One of my new year’s resolutions is to take at least one nice photo a week outside of my course work. I don’t care if it’s particularly meaningful, I just want to make sure I keep taking pictures and playing around with my new gear. My plan for the future is to keep up this blog every week with that photo, but I’m a little behind this month. This post is just a bunch of random shots I’ve taken this month. I have a feeling there will be a lot of cats featured in these weekly photos...

Artist Inspiration

2012-02-15T14:49:00.002-05:00

Katie Kukulka is a fine art photographer that uses more traditional methods of photography. Her work can be found here: http://www.katiekukulka.com/#a=0&at=0&mi=2&pt=1&pi=10000&s=0&p=0

It's ethereal and dream-like quality coupled with the medium she uses makes it seems like a treasure unburied from an attic somewhere. You don't know fully what is going on, and it's like sifting through old memories to try to figure it out.

Portraits by taren maroun

2012-02-03T09:29:00.002-05:00

I stumbled across some amazing photos on flickr that I find really inspiring.

This is just a short series, but there are many other conceptually interesting photos I've seen in her flickr stream:

Shape on Photography Served

2011-11-29T15:50:00.000-05:00

Shape on Photography Served

These are pretty interesting. The face is completely obscured so they are really just abstract head shapes. They are also unsettling because of that.

Social Lights on Photography Served

2011-11-19T10:53:00.000-05:00

Social Lights on Photography Served

This relates a lot to my actual work, however these photos are not posed or planned out. This is just part of the world.

NON-PORTRAITS on Photography Served

2011-11-19T10:48:00.000-05:00

NON-PORTRAITS on Photography Served

From the artist statement: "The “non-portraits” project combines non-narrative experimental photoseries where the human figure is represented without using the face as the main vector of expressivity. These collaborations with actors or dancers often get their inspiration from performing arts. Therefore, “non-portrait” doesn’t mean that the human figure disappears: what interests me here is rather its interaction with an environment. There is no storyline, and no symbolism as in conventional dance."

I like the creativity in finding an unconventional way to represent emotion. His subjects express using the grungy streets and unusual poses.

Artist Statement

2011-11-14T19:46:00.003-05:00

Technology is no longer a novelty. It is part of the way we live. It keeps us connected, and at the same time distances us. It is often a replacement for human interaction, and falls short. But without it, there would be no substitute, only absence.

There is a careful balancing act to play in my own life with technology and human interaction. A phone call or a poor quality photo on the computer is not a good substitute for a person in the same room with me. However, technology enables me to get some form of interaction where there would otherwise be nothing, though it may be distorted or incomplete. In my work I try to capture the struggle of interacting with an imcomplete image. While technology is advanced, it still cannot replace realtiy. There will always still be missing information, and an imcomplete image that is not the same as the face I see in person.

Having a long distance relationship means that more often than not, what I see of my Fiance is through a computer screen from a low quality camera in a dark room. I'm experimenting with ways of representing this concept in my work, as well as the emotions that accompany distance from someone you care about.

SELF-PORTRAITS on Photography Served

2011-11-07T10:58:00.000-05:00

SELF-PORTRAITS on Photography Served

I love these. They are super dramatic, and always distort the subject in some way. It reminds me of my own work in a way, and they are NOT photoshopped. From his artist Statement:

"The works of Luca Pierro express a micro and macro cosmos, where the figure of the artist, who is also the one who photographs, forcefully enters the scene. The protagonist of the portraits is the same photographer. There are shots in his intent to escape the "already seen "to" already done ". He explores new and unspoiled paths, from the point of origin of man himself, with the use of natural elements such as: flour, land, water, clay and so on. All elements that lead back to "Mother Earth". For the artist is important the traceability of the material used to leave on the surfaces portrayed.
The body becomes the vehicle of expression. The artist undermines the concept of traditional portrait (beautiful) to introduce viewers to new dynamics.
Offers us portraits full of meanings, sometimes with a strong provocation. Some of them put us in touch with the contemporary research in experimental theater. So the artist is able to establish with the viewer an involvement immediate and spontaneous.
"His image, his body, they become expressive material," we see the real "Metamorphosis", with which he conveys his art.
The colors used are essential. The careful study of light evokes her strong spirituality.
Represents a new and exciting proposal, a new study, which began long ago, the ancient land to the tensions raised by modern man, immersed in a in a culture dominated by technology."

It's a Small World on Photography Served

2011-10-20T14:47:00.000-04:00

It's a Small World on Photography Served

I love tilt shift photography. I like how cities are transformed to look like childrens' toys.

Reposition on Photography Served

2011-10-20T14:45:00.000-04:00

Reposition on Photography Served

I think this is a really interesting concept. At first I thought it was photoshop, but the mirror idea is really very clever.

Kiss on Photography Served

2011-10-08T21:13:00.000-04:00

Kiss on Photography Served

These are striking. I love how a simple subject was given such an interesting spin.

Tales from the Story Teller on Photography Served

2011-10-08T09:33:00.000-04:00

Tales from the Story Teller on Photography Served

I love the dream-like quality of these shots. They have a sort of nostalgic feel to them.

a l o n e by Mikko Lagerstedt

2011-10-01T20:27:00.000-04:00

For the rest of the series, go here:
http://www.behance.net/gallery/a-l-o-n-e/956235

Photo Inspiration

2011-09-26T20:27:00.000-04:00

Via Xiangk

Via Sketch 3000

Bits of my Life

2011-08-07T11:12:00.000-04:00

Bloglovin'

2011-07-14T09:25:00.000-04:00

Now Sanguinity is on Bloglovin'!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Bits of my Life

2011-07-10T20:21:00.000-04:00

Warrior Dash

2011-07-06T08:00:00.000-04:00

This is what I did July 25th. I was persuaded to try it by my cousins and Shea, and I was surprised to enjoy it as much as I did. In the beginning I was less than thrilled to learn that the little preparation I had done was not much use as the whole course was covered in deep, slippery mud, but I got over it and had fun, and got to spend time with family. It was even worth the gigantic rash I was lucky enough to get from the mud.

Bits of my Summer

2011-07-05T20:23:00.000-04:00

All of these photos are from a little get-together I held for my bridesmaids to get to know each other. It went off without a hitch, and I got an excuse to make a lot of food and spend some time with three of my favorite people!

Curls

2011-06-23T21:30:00.000-04:00

If you have naturally curly hair, I'm sure you will identify with this... It's a blessing and a curse. When I was younger, it was mostly just a curse.

I'm on the right (and yes, the date is completely wrong by about 10 years). I had poof ball for a hairstyle throughout most of elementary school. Then I tried to contain the frizz with mass quantities of hair product.

You can even see grown out highlights!

Finally, I just gave up on trying to have pretty hair. I chopped it all off and dyed it red.

I went through many different phases in fashion choice.

I let the red grow out and figured out a way to work with my curls:

Now I love it! Well... most days. I'm writing this because today is one of the off days, thanks to all this sudden humidity.

Another Trip to Letchworth

2011-06-21T12:07:00.001-04:00

This Father's day, Shea and I spent the day with my family at Letchworth State Park. We had a picnic lunch and scoped out reception and ceremony locations.

There are two excellent enclosed shelters in the park. They have a fireplace, and an open grill area with food tables. They fit about 140, which would probably be exactly what we need.

We found a perfect spot for the ceremony, if we are able to reserve it. It overlooks the top of a waterfall!

This waterfall, to be exact. This spot is just around the corner from where the ceremony would take place. I can see some amazing photos coming from this area.

Nothing is decided yet, but these are some options!

Bits of my Life

2011-06-18T09:00:00.000-04:00

A Special Little Book

2011-06-16T09:00:00.001-04:00

Shortly after Shea and I got engaged, my mom passed this book on to me. It was published in 1951, and used by four other family members to plan and document their weddings. My grandmother passed it to my mom, and now it's my turn.

Pottery

2011-06-13T07:00:00.003-04:00

I have always loved hand-thrown pottery. There's just something so warm and personal about each piece. Last summer, I decided to take a pottery class at Genesee Center for the Arts. I've always wanted to try throwing my own pottery, and it was just as awesome as I'd hoped.

It was HARD. I was expecting to come out of the class with misshapen lumps of clay, but the instructor was really helpful and managed to coax great work out of everyone. I LOVE the pottery I made in that class, and I use a lot of it on a daily basis. My dad just bought a kiln to supplement the pottery wheel he bought a few years ago, and I'm excited to try it again!

Here are some other pieces I made:

Inspiration Board DIY

2011-06-12T13:31:00.000-04:00

I've been seeing cute cloth inspiration boards pop up a lot lately, and I've been hoping to find the time to get one for myself. The walls in my apartment are pretty bare, and it just seems like an awesome way to display photos and memos. I was at Joann Fabrics yesterday with my mom, just browsing, and saw that they were selling them. The selection was pretty dismal, and they were tiny and cost $20 each. Since I was already in Joann's, so I decided to buy the supplies to make my own.

It was a success, so here is the tutorial to make one yourself. It was done at night, so my photos aren't the best.

Supplies:

A cork bulletin board (mine was 17"x23")
Enough pretty fabric to cover the board and wrap around about 2-3 inches on the back (I got a 24"x44" piece)
Enough quilt batting to cover the board and wrap around (I got 1/2 yard)
Ribbon of your choice
Upholstery decorative nails
Staple gun

Step 1:

Cut your quilt batting to fit the board you've selected. Make sure there is enough extra so that you can wrap it around the edges and staple it to the back.

Step 2:

If you've ever stretched a canvas, this will be easy. Stretch the batting over one edge and staple. Next, stretch it over the opposite edge and staple. Do the same thing for the adjacent edges.

Add two more about 1-2 inches on either side of your first staple, repeat on the opposite and then adjacent edges. Repeat this until the you reach the corners. This method ensures that you won't get any wrinkles in the final product.

Step 3:

Cut your fabric to fit the board, again with enough extra on all sides to wrap around the edges.
Repeat exactly what you did for the quilt batting, but stop about 3 inches before you reach the corners.

Fold the fabric in from the corner like this.

Then fold it again from one side so it lays flat and staple.

Repeat on the other side.

Do this for each corner until your board looks like this. I ran out of staples, so I finished the corners with a glue gun.

Step 4:

Lay out and cut your ribbon like this.

Repeat in the other direction.

Now fold each ribbon over the edge and staple. I had to use hot glue here too, which seemed to work fine.

Repeat on the other side.

The first layer should look like this.

When you've finished the first layer, do the same for the second.

Step 5:

Now, take the decorative nails and press them through the board at each ribbon intersection.

Step 6:

Mount it on your wall and put photos and memos underneath the ribbons! I glued some ribbon loops to the back of mine and hung it from the decorative nails.

Alternative Wedding Shoes

2011-06-07T12:10:00.002-04:00

I've never really liked wearing heels very much. They are loud, painful, and I feel very clumsy in them. I find it hard to enjoy myself and feel pretty at a fancy event when I'm worried about tripping over my own feet, rolling my ankle, or getting my heel stuck in a crack and losing my shoe just as someone is snapping my picture (all of these have happened, by the way). By the end of any event, my feet are aching. I'm also not the type to take my shoes off during the event. Such events usually involve sticky floors and if you are just going to take off your pretty shoes, what's the point of wearing them?

So, when I get married, I do not wish to have sore, aching feet at the end of the night. I do not wish for my heels to assist in aerating any lawn I happen to step on. And I really do not wish for there to be photos of me stumbling around looking clumsy or fishing my shoe out of some weird crevice that only I would manage to step on when I'm in a fluffy white dress. While such photos would certainly be entertaining, I have the whole rest of my life to make a fool out of myself when there aren't cameras around to capture the evidence.

However, I want to have really pretty shoes. I've had my eye on a pair that I would just love to get for the wedding. They are a little pricey, and I don't know how I would stop myself from wearing them before the wedding (I guess the solution is really obvious... get two pairs).

These are from Darlingtonia Moccasin Company, and they are just gorgeous.

I think these would be my first choice. I'm pretty sure blue is going to be one of our colors.

I think these are my second choice. I like the teal and brown combination, but they don't look as formal.

These ones are made specifically for brides, but I like the other two more.

These are the ones I'd pick for casual everyday wear if I could get two pairs. I love navy.

They would be so cute and so comfy. And they are on sale right now... I'll have to make a decision soon.

Click on the images for their original sources.

Sunny Sunday

2011-06-06T07:00:00.002-04:00

Shea and I spent some much needed down time together outside yesterday. We laid out blankets and read until the sun went down.

A Month for Cooking

2011-06-05T06:00:00.000-04:00

I've been in a cooking mood lately. Last week, I tried a week of organized, daily menus, and I stuck to it. We had delicious food every night. Some the highlights from the past month:

Memorial Weekend Trip

2011-06-04T07:00:00.000-04:00

Shea and I got back from our weekend trip to Atlanta on Wednesday. It turned into a little more than a weekend trip. 15 hours of driving both ways kind of made it sort of a week-long trip. We left around 1pm last Wednesday and arrive at 4am.

We attended the AOS ATLOSCon and got to see some friends, and meet new people.

Highlights:
-Interesting classes, from photography to neuroscience
-A fantastic thunderstorm
-Really cool people who do really cool things
-Some more experience being inebriated which led to learning how to be more social sober

This is not the most ground breaking observation ever, but Atlanta is HOT. So hot I felt like my skin was slowly roasting. And it's HUMID. So humid that I felt like I was breathing in steam. I think gills would have come in handy. I actually bought what amounts to a new wardrobe in preparation for the trip, being that I owned exactly one skirt and exactly zero pairs of shorts.

We stayed in an efficiency apartment that was part of a bed a breakfast so we'd be able to cook some of our own meals to save money. It was very pleasant. Despite a little fiasco with the car we'd borrowed from my parents involving a leaky power steering line, we felt quite cozy and calm. We left Monday around 7pm, and stopped around 1am to sleep. We got back at 8:30pm the next day. Of course, we somehow managed to bring a little of the Atlanta heat with us back to Rochester, and it was 85 degrees in our apartment. Now we are back to regularly scheduled temperatures of 68 degrees, thankfully. I was so busy I only snapped a few photos:

Lilac Festival

2011-05-24T05:00:00.002-04:00

Rochester holds a wonderful 10 day festival every year to showcase the beautiful lilac blooms that fill Highland Park each spring. While most of those ten days were filled with rain this year, Shea and I did manage to fit in a picnic with some friends between showers.

Wedding Wishes

2011-05-17T05:00:00.001-04:00

I'm starting to scour the internet for everything wedding, even though it won't be for over a year. I can't help it! I'll share some pretty things with you.

From Giftworldz

From NHWoodscreations

From urastarhouse

From Offbeat Bride

Music for my Rainy Monday

2011-05-16T10:05:00.001-04:00

It's been raining for three days straight now, and even I am tired of it. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't that cold, cutting, drizzly, windy kind of rain that just soaks you to the bone. It's only 43˚ out there. So here is a mix I found on 8tracks that is laid back and chill and perfect for the rain.

The Proposal

2011-05-06T20:38:00.000-04:00

Shea asked me a few weeks back when my next free day would be. We hadn't spent a lot of time together due to my classes and his work load. I told him I could spare one day before finals started to do something fun, as long as it started after my voice lesson in the morning.

When I got back to the apartment that day, Shea wasn't there, and there were two envelopes taped to the door. They were the beginnings of a scavenger hunt.

He led me on a trail of envelopes that were hidden in places that were significant to our relationship. Each envelope held a picture of the next location, and a little paragraph he had written about what the current place meant to him. I was instructed to add my sentiments below. The first 10 envelopes led me all around campus, and then to a cafe in our favorite Borders, where I had to talk to the cashier. She gave me the next envelope which led to our apartment. The envelope there took me to Letchworth state park!

When I arrived at the location marked on the map Shea had left me, he was waiting with a picnic laid out for us. I had my suspicious about the reason for all this, but Shea did an excellent job of throwing me off the trail. There was a gift bag on the table, and he told me to open it. Remember how I've been saving up to buy a DSLR? Well... I don't need to save anymore! Shea bought me a Canon EOS 50D! That was what he had used to take all the pictures in the scavenger hunt. To me, that justified the whole extravaganza, and I wasn't expecting anything else. Shea sat with me as we munched on the picnic and showed me all the photos he had taken. Then he got to the last photo...

I said yes.

Why I haven't been posting recently...

2011-05-02T21:50:00.000-04:00

I'm engaged!

Blog Inspiration

2011-04-27T11:27:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite inspiring blogs: I go by Katie
I love her beautiful photography, and I'm inspired by her ability to support herself with her creative passions.

Photo from I go by Katie

Henna Project

2011-04-25T21:18:00.000-04:00

I've finally finished up my henna project for one of my classes! It took about two weeks from start to finish. I started out by covering myself in henna and taking photos as it first darkened and then began to fade over time. I arranged the final photos and printed a 44 inch poster of them. Then tonight I filled in some of the white space on the poster with actual henna. I covered the paste in gloss medium to keep it from cracking and falling off. It's finally finished, and I'm really happy with it. I only wish I had had a better camera to shoot with. Here are a few shots, and the full poster file.

Monday Mix

2011-04-25T11:04:00.000-04:00

Here is a mix for a chill Monday morning. It's 55˚ and partially cloudy. I love cool and crisp days like this. Here is what I'm listening to this morning:

Bits of my Life- Easter Edition

2011-04-24T19:26:00.000-04:00

Weekly Accomplishments

2011-04-22T21:39:00.000-04:00

-I made good progress on my henna project for class. I will post about the completed piece sometime next week.
-I finished a new website design for my work. We'll see if they like it!
-I got a good start on my sound installation for my 3D class.
-I finished up my intervention projects for Markings, Methods and Materials
-I gave my blog a makeover and set up a new posting schedule!

This weekend I will be alternating between writing a paper, studying for a final, painting Easter eggs, watching the Doctor Who Series 6 premier, and having Easter at my grandparents house. I hope you have a lovely weekend!

A Thursday Wish

2011-04-21T16:49:00.000-04:00

Here in Rochester we're slowly but surely moving into spring, and I'd love this Anorak jacket for the chillier days:

Photo from Spotted Moth

Putting in on my wishlist.

Interventions

2011-04-20T18:44:00.000-04:00

Here are my seven interventions:

Paper Planes

I put these little paper airplanes all through the tunnels and in Gleason. They actually fly in a straight line instead of nose-diving like every other paper airplane I've made.

Notes of Hope

I placed a bunch of little strips of paper with hopeful words written on them throughout Gleason library.

New Owner

I found this book that abandoned in Sue B. my freshman year after everyone went home for the summer. It was probably for a class, but it's full of interesting essays and stories. I decided it would be perfect to pass on to a new reader (or to someone who might be takeng that class next year).

Saving the World

I made this poster and hung it in the BME building. Someday those students will be doing their part to save the world, and I'd like to think we all do a little of that each day by creating great things.

Lost Love Note

I left an imagined love note on a table in the library. Maybe it will encourage someone to stop waiting and embrace life.

Little Stars

I folded all these tiny paper stars and put them in several different places in Rush Rhees.

I hung up flyers on campus with tiny coupons good for one day of living life to the fullest.

Bits of my Life

2011-04-17T13:03:00.000-04:00

I bought a dress for casual wear for the first time. I even wore it in public!

These are little stars I made and left on a library bench for an intervention for one of my classes.

I had my first henna house-call. I drove out to henrietta and did this design and the adoption symbol for a really wonderful customer.

Rory has taken to hanging out in our apartment via Skype. He sits on top of the couch while we hang out and watch Doctor Who.

I'm working on an art project for one of my classes involving henna. I haven't decided whether or not to share it with the internet yet, but it's coming out really well.

Spring is a little late, I think, but I don't mind. The air has been crisp and fresh, lots of windy rainstorms which I love, and nice cloudy days. It's 45 degrees right now, but Wednesday calls for a high of 62 with thunderstorms. Can't beat that!

Random things about me

2011-04-10T12:31:00.000-04:00

I have my own Henna Body Art Business.

I am a black belt

I hate creamed corn more than any other food on the planet.

Once I had alopecia areata, but my hair grew back.

My eyes are pretty awesome colors because of something called central heterochromia

One of my best friends lives across the pond.

I sing. Pretty well, if I do say so myself.

I would be a cat lady if I were single. I may be one now...

I love musical theater, and found some of my closest friends through it.

I love rainy days more than sunny ones.

Bits of my Life

2011-04-09T19:03:00.000-04:00

Options

2011-04-03T22:26:00.000-04:00

There are so many things I've wanted to be in my life. I used to be dead set on being an astronaut. I wanted to be the first person to set foot on Mars. That middle school phase past and then I decided I wanted to be an environmental scientist. I really had no idea what that entailed. I thought maybe it had something to do with animals and nature. I entered the U of R as and EVS major. However, before I even took one class, I decided that based on the course descriptions of the required classes this was definitely not the major for me. I switch to Brain and Cognitive Sciences. I had always just known I would go into some sort of science. I thought the brain was awesome and I hadn't had an opportunity to learn much about it, so this seemed perfect. Then I switch to Neuroscience. I was dead set on getting my Ph.D. and becoming a famous researcher, cracking the secrets to what makes music so enjoyable. I hated the courses. I knew that wasn't a passion. My passion wasn't even science related. I had shoved it aside for years, considering it was just a "hobby."My passion was in the arts, and creative endeavors. When I switched to a Studio Arts major, I felt liberated.

While this semester's courses aren't exactly inspiring, I know I'm in the right field. The problem now is that there are too many options, and I don't have any more passion for one option over the other.

I could be a painter, have my own studio, maybe even open a little gallery.

I could take up photography. I love photos. I love the way they capture the world. I could take portraits, wedding photos, or whatever else photographers do.

I want to try sewing. I could make my own clothes. I could sew bags and pillows or maybe try to make a quilt.

I've always thought of opening my own coffee shop somewhere. It would be peaceful and well decorated, and maybe I'd have a little gallery inside, or a shop where local artisans could sell their goods.

I could also always continue Phoenix Henna and get a little more serious with it.

Maybe I could take more pottery lessons and get good enough to make a living off of that.

Or maybe I could do administrative work at an art co-op or museum or try any combination of the above.

I don't know which ones I would love more, and I don't know if any of these paths would even make a living.

I have no idea how to choose, and being the type of person who always has a plan, I hate that I have no clear path for what is going to happen after May 2012.

Snippet

2011-03-22T15:43:00.000-04:00

Rochester Public Market

2011-03-22T10:05:00.000-04:00

Shea and I have been meaning to get to the market for months now, but every Saturday the temptation to sleep in has won. Finally we made ourselves get up and go.

I haven’t exactly seen that many farmer’s markets so I don’t have much to compare this place to, but I think it is excellent. There are so many different good smells and things to buy and I love the produce sellers yelling out their latest deals, trying to one-up each other.

My favorite Public Market items are the dairy products, produce, fresh baked breads, and spices. So far it’s the only place I’ve ever managed to find cream-on-top milk, which is soooo good. The same tent sells kefir, goat milk, yogurt, and smoothies.

Today was a little chilly, so we didn’t take as much time looking as we would have liked, but here is our haul:

Maple yogurt, hickory smoke flavor, strip steaks (3 for $10), delicious tomatoes for me ($3 for a bucket), the creamy milk, and some goat milk kefir. When the weather gets a little warmer, I’d like to go back every week for fruits and veggies, cider, baked goods, fish, and flowers.

Glass Flowers

2011-03-22T10:01:00.000-04:00

The glass flowers Shea and I made during our trip to the Corning Museum of Glass have arrived!

Here is Shea’s:

Here is mine:

So cool.

Snippet

2011-03-22T09:59:00.000-04:00

Fresh, homemade pesto made with hickory smoked cheddar on Italian bread. I think I could eat the whole loaf this way.

Bits of my Life

2011-03-22T09:55:00.000-04:00

Vector Drawing

2011-03-22T09:48:00.001-04:00

I got to learn a new form of art making recently. It’s fun, and I imagine it will come in handy. I learned just a bit of vector drawing in my materials class, and used it for my first project.

I mostly just wanted to get a lot of practice with subjects I like, but the project required a theme of documenting or mapping yourself. The professor suggested documenting what you ate, what you thought, what you did, etc. or collecting objects that were significant to your life. I chose to take a picture of my cats every time I saw them over the course of two days and use the photos to create vector drawings. There are 20 in the series and they all include the time they were taken. I’m not really thrilled with the project conceptually but it was an adventure into a new technique, and quite fun. The full series can be seen here.

Here are some of my favorites:

Returning to Blogger

2011-03-22T09:43:00.000-04:00

Well, it looks like I'm going to be returning to this blog after all. I love having my blog integrated with alyssa-mae.com, but unfortunately there are just too many limitations. Sometimes posts don't appear, sometimes photos are redistributed in the rss feed, and I have to manually add in comment sections if I want them. Also, I can only blog from one computer. I just need the flexibility of blogger. So I'm back! I'll be re-posting the entries I had made in my iWeb today.

The Holidays

2011-01-08T22:13:00.000-05:00

This was the first Christmas Shea and I celebrated in our own place.

I like to decorate.

Every Christmas prior to this year, I have spent the whole day at my parents and grandparents' house. This year, Shea and I had our first little private Christmas at the apartment. It was really amazing. We then drove to my parents for the rest of the day. I don't have as many pictures as I'd like, so I'll just post a few of my favorites.

Shea and I were lucky enough to get to spend New Years in Colorado with his family. It was very relaxing and just gorgeous. I really enjoyed getting to know his family better.

About Me

2011-01-01T22:26:00.000-05:00

My name is Alyssa Mae Smudzin. I was born in Rochester, NY and grew up in the town of LeRoy, NY. I'm currently enrolled at the University of Rochester. My first two years I studied neuroscience, with plans to minor in art. In the beginning of my junior year, I decided to drop the neuroscience major and pursue something I was truly passionate about. I am now a studio arts major. I live in Rochester with my boyfriend of over two years, Shea. We have two cats, Sage and Ginger. I like to make things, and some day would like to try out photography, so I'm saving up for a nice camera.

Internet Trust Fall

2010-12-22T23:10:00.000-05:00

I am a pessimist. I usually expect the worst of any given situation. That's what I prepare for. It's usually a subconscious thing, some sort of defense mechanism I think. It goes for my expectations of people too, unfortunately. I always expect that I'll be disappointed. Examples:

Shea and I getting Sage and Ginger fixed- Expectation: They will have some complications with the anesthesia and never wake up.

The washing machine and dryer stop working around midnight, leaving all our clothes wet. First thought: Someone sabotaged the machines because they were angry we were doing laundry so late.

I'm having a dinner party. Expectation: I will burn all the food, people will come late or not at all, it will be horrible.

I really, really dislike that aspect of my personality. Fortunately, more and more these are just fleeting first thoughts that I'm quickly able to squash. However, I still don't go into any situation getting my hopes up. I'm at the point where I try to stay rather neutral without any solid expectations. I have ideal outcomes, but I don't expect that they will happen.

I'm frequently disappointed by people. That often pushes me to have this unhealthy negative feeling towards people in general. Now, I *know* that there are a lot of good people out there, and a lot of people who maybe have disappointed me probably had good intentions. So how do I change the feeling? This year I decided to try a little thing I'm thinking of as an Internet Trust Fall.

I joined Reddit a few months ago and in November I saw a post about a Reddit Secret Santa gift exchange. Premise: You give your address to a stranger, as do about 17,000 other Redditors. He matches you all up to other strangers. You send a gift to your person, someone sends one to you. My first thought: I won't get anything. Why would some random stranger follow through on sending me something? Second thought: I'll get paperclips or something poisonous. Final thought: What the hell. I'll give it a go.

I signed up. I sent my person their favorite snack, glow sticks, hot cocoa, a charcoal drawing I did of the Reddit Alien, and a pair of Spiderman headphones (They named their dogs Parker and MJ).
My santa contacted me anonymously to tell me he'd be shipping late. Meanwhile, I was looking at the gallery where everyone posts what they receive. There were crazy expensive gifts, like a 50 inch TV, an Apple gift card for $1337, and even live lobsters. However, there were also really mean gifts like a single stick of gum, a plastic bag, a used pair of nail clippers, and this monstrosity. I was worried I would end up like that. But no. I got an awesome gift.
I was floored. I was jumping up and down. I could not believe some stranger in Iowa would buy me something this awesome based off of a few Reddit posts and this blog. Look:

In case you can't make out everything, they sent me a studio lamp, oil paints, mini canvases, a brush, a mug that says "rest a minute," chocolates, two pounds of Starbucks coffee, a joke letter, a real letter, and a Christmas card addressed to Shea and I. This was more than I ever expected or hoped for. Insane. A stranger on the internet sent me this!

And it wasn't a common thing for people to be disappointed with their gifts. Check out the rest of the gallery!

In this little online experiment, I also signed up for a much smaller Secret Santa organized by the writer of the blog lillyella. She matched everyone herself and sent out emails with the addresses. I had even lower expectations for this exchange, since it was so private and not as organized as the Reddit exchange. I sent my giftee handmade washcloths and three bars of holiday soap from Etsy (most of the blog is Etsy oriented). She blogged about it here. Reading that post really made my day. I still was skeptical that a second random stranger would send me something. But I was again, pleasantly surprised. I received a package in the mail today, and inside was a wrapped gift. Inside that:

This adorable little pouch was actually handmade by my Secret Santa, Stephanie of s-renee.com, a graphic designer and seamstress, as were the cute buttons. I adore handmade accessories! This totally made my day.

This experiment, coupled with some other happy experiences this December, has really changed my initial feelings and expectations about people. I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy with this cheery most-people-are-really-pretty-neat-afterall outlook. Lots of people do nice things for other people! It's not just a select few or rare individuals who are nice, reliable, and thoughtful. I like people. My Secret Santas didn't sign up just to get a gift and give me the shaft. I spent money and time doing something nice for a stranger, learning about their life and interests, and another stranger did the same for me. That gives me hope for people, and gives me hope that I'll one day have lots of the kind of non-disappointing relationships I treasure.

Look What I Got!!!

2010-12-15T19:12:00.000-05:00

So I came home from work today and Shea gave me a paper with a message from Rory that said "Alyssa, This is small, useful and cute: like you!! ^__^ Seriously though, merry Christmas. RORY RORY RORY"

And then Shea gave me a box. And THESE WERE INSIDE IT!

They are measuring cups! The most adorable measuring cups ever! And now I'm going to write a big run on sentence about how I'm going to use them to make Christmas cookies and keep them out on the counter to make the kitchen cute and keep them forever and ever and ever and get excited when I have to cook things because it means I can use my cute little measuring cups that Rory sent me!

Thank you Rory!!!!

Bits of my Life

2010-12-11T12:08:00.001-05:00

I haven't updated in quite a while so I have a fair bit of material...

Life is good, and Christmassy! Lots of packages arriving. I LOVE the internet. No roaming stores for hours and finding nothing. Thanks to my student trial of Amazon prime, I get free two day shipping!

I made Christmas cards this year, and I am actually going to send them out, I promise!

For me, the semester is wrapping up. Last day of class is Monday, and then I'm done. No finals. All I have to do after that is attend a gallery show for my painting class that we all will have work in, and attend a studio clean-up day at which pizza will be served.

Next weekend Shea and I will be hosting a holiday dinner party, which I'm quite excited for. I get an excuse to go all-out on decorations. Does anyone know where I can find some cat sized santa hats?

My family has this rule where you're not allowed to buy anything for yourself between Thanksgiving and Christmas so you don't end up buying something someone already bought you. I cheated. I got these:

Photo from Factorygirlashli

Bits of my Life

2010-11-21T19:17:00.000-05:00

It was a pretty good week, despite trying to get over being disappointed by people. Shea is back from CA and things with us are shiny, so that helps.

Art, art, art! Finished my photo project studying fabric landscapes, worked with pastels for the first time, and dyed watercolor paper with coffee for my next painting project. Oh, and we also got our first dusting of snow! Which means I don't have to feel so ridiculous anymore for putting snowflake bed sheets on the bed.

My Cat Hates Me

2010-11-20T14:01:00.000-05:00

In Which Alyssa Defends Those She Values

2010-11-19T14:29:00.000-05:00

I am a relative newcomer to Objectivism. I used to think that Objectivists were thoughtful and respectful of each other, and disagreements could be handled without attacking people.

What I have seen over the last few weeks has shocked and disgusted me.

There was a lot of confusion surrounding McCaskey's resignation, and many individuals sought to understand the events involved, to know whether or not the ARI was an organization worth supporting based on their personal values.The people I am defending in this post did diligent research before coming to any conclusions. They chose to speak out publicly about what they had decided, and they were met with extremely vicious personal attacks that had nothing to do with the content of their arguments. For some of these condemned individuals I have yet to see an actual argument that states why the actions they took were wrong, let alone a description of what exactly those actions were in the first place. If you can’t back up conclusions with evidence, you very clearly show exactly what type of person you are.

There were errors made on both "sides." But it was these individuals who were condemned. If you think they were wrong for judging, I know they would have appreciated an explanation of why. If you think they were wrong in their conclusions, I'm sure they would have appreciated your opinions. If you think that their facts were incorrect, I'm positive they would have appreciated being corrected. If you think their approach was flawed, again, I'm sure they would have liked to know that, If you think that a person is immoral for being honestly mistaken, than I will have nothing more to do with you.

Let me tell you something about these people. They do not evade reality. They take facts completely seriously, and if they discover that they have somehow made an error, they will admit that without hesitation.

These individuals have shown me that they are the ones to support. From what I see, they are not cowards. They are bold enough to state their opinions. They consider facts. They support claims with solid reasoning. They are open to correction and new information. Their first action is to attempt private communication with an individual before judging them. But most of all, despite the backlash they have received, they are not afraid to do what is right, and stand by their conclusions with integrity.

Charcoal Self Portrait

2010-11-13T13:28:00.001-05:00

From picture to product. It's a GIF, wait for it to load.

Some Photos of my Life

2010-11-13T13:10:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm definately not going to be able to stick to weekly photos. So here are some photos from my life in the last unspecified period of time:

A lot has happened in the past few weeks. I performed in an a cappella concert, did tons of art and became an official Studio Arts major, and Shea and I are going through a lot of growth right now.

Self Portrait Project pt. 3

2010-11-13T12:55:00.000-05:00

It's done and not done at the same time.

So after the last post, I went in and finished the right side. Then I spent days trying to figure out the left side.

During this process I also finished the hair. Here is my *first* finished version of the piece:

After my critique, I realized the shadows sucked, the left eye lid was too big, there were too many left eye lashes, and the background did nothing to enhance the image. So I fixed it:

I like it, but there are still a lot of thinks I want to change, but I doubt I'll have time to do. I'd like to use a bit more variety in my skin. It's very plastic looking. Part of that is due to the fact that I have a very difficult time blending with acrylic. I'd like to boost the contrast a little and add more detail. But for my first portrait, I'm pleased.

An Etsy Shop to Check Out and... I WON SOMETHING

2010-11-01T13:55:00.000-04:00

I've been looking for a sleeve for my new Macbook for a while, and couldn't find quite what I was looking for anywhere. I was lucky enough to stumble upon an Etsy shop, btaylorquilts, that had a kindle case that I really liked. I contacted her and asked if she could use the same design for a Macbook sleeve, and look what she came up with!

This are the photos she sent me this morning before she lists it on Etsy!

When I first found her shop, I also found a link to her Facebook Page and Blog, where she announced there was a give-away contest from her shop hosted at Lillyella. I entered just for the heck of it and I found out today that I won! I got to pick from coasters, potholders, and eyeglass cases in her shop, and picked out these fallen leaves coasters.

I never win anything!

My Week in Photos

2010-10-30T14:47:00.000-04:00

I'm going to try something inspired by the blog of Kate Miss

I take a lot of crappy iPhone photos each week just for mementos of moments that strike me. I'm going to post those photos every week or so. I may even post photos of Shea's haircut! Hopefully I'll start using my real camera too.

Here's this week in photos:

Lots of art this week. Sage really likes to help me when I draw with charcoal. Also got some cozy new shoes, cut Shea's hair, got flannel sheets with snowflakes in preparation for winter, and at Target I got the softest blanket I have ever touched. Softer than kittens. Even Sage thinks so. You can see it in the last two photos above. I slept very well last night.

Yesterday I got to see the student version of Les Mis, which Shea and my sister Cassie both performed it. It was AMAZING. And Shea, who can barely hit middle C when he sings in front of me, sang the hell out of his solo. He hit his high note like it was nothing. And although he wasn't mic'd, he was louder than some who were! Gave me chills.

I spent this morning buying music and will likely spend the afternoon working to it. It's great art doing music, especially the three albums I bought by Fink.

And now I'm off to read about some art!

Self Portrait Project Pt.2

2010-10-27T21:49:00.000-04:00

I've made quite a bit of progress since my last post. I had no idea where to start with the skin tone, so I spent quite a while just mixing paint and painting over it. I started by filling in the neck and face with a base coat that was my estimation of skin tone.

Creepy looking, I know. And WAY to pale. I tried to go in and add some shadows and hightlights but really couldn't visualize the colors right. Here was my first attempt:

Yuck. I was getting very discouraged, so my professor suggested I go in and fill in the hair with only a base coat of the darkest shade. I also added a wash of blue-gray for the background.

I decided that I'd tackle an eye next, because I wasn't ready to try the skin again. I spent about 2 hours on this eye:

The shadow of the lid was too black, so after a million different mixes, I settled on a redder color. I used this as the base of my new skin tone shade, adding a little burnt sienna and titanium white to lighten, and some cadmium red to darken. I finally figured out how to give the skin the color and texture I want. I am using the smallest brush I have to add the paint so it blends smoothly. In this last shot, you'll see all the progress I've made so far. The eye and cheek are coming together nicely, and I'm hoping the rest will go as smoothly. I do think that I may need to take out some red later, but this is a nice start.

Self Portrait Project

2010-10-20T22:35:00.000-04:00

I've just started my second project in Intro Painting, which I'm both thrilled and terrified for. I have to paint a self-portrait. I found out through the last project that I am horrible at painting skin. Not sure how to get the right color, and how to apply the paint to get a smoother look than I've gotten in the past. I'm thinking I'm going to post progress shots here, because it's fun for me to see and share my approach to art. Today I finished the fabric of my shirt. I LOVE drawing and painting fabric. Here is its, after the first painting session:

Reconsideration, Part 2

2010-09-11T13:57:00.000-04:00

So, I changed my major.

Two days ago I was halfway through getting a B.S. in Neuroscience. Today, I'm on my way to getting a Studio Arts B.A.

Why did I switch? The bigger question in my mind is why I even had to. Why wasn't I a studio arts major from the start?

I love art. My favorite part of summer camp: arts and crafts. My favorite part of school: Art class. Family members often received hand made gifts. I painted guitars on a pair of converse for my sister's birthday. I started a henna body art business when I was 14 and have made thousands of dollars since then. I took a pottery class this summer and loved every second. I won best in show in an art competition in high school, and second place for a self portrait. I've made candles, jewelry, painted with water colors and oil, welded, sculpted, sewn, done ceramics in high school, and tried almost every art form I could get my hands on.

So why was I a neuroscience major? Was it because I felt art was more of a hobby? Like, no college I've heard of offers a major in having fun. Maybe I didn't see career possibilities in in? Maybe I didn't feel I'd fit the traditional "artist" label, that I wasn't creative enough?
I'm honestly not sure. I just don't know how I got
through two years of something I didn't care as much about as I told myself I did. And I'm stil having doubts in my ability to major in this. So I look at these photos:

There are tons more examples of things I've done since college started, and even more from high school, before I'd put my passion on the back burner.

When I think that now my homework will be drawing and painting and taking photos and reading and writing about art, I feel.... free. And excited! I'm not dreading homework. I'm not dreading being busy. I'm looking forward to the things I will create, and the hours I will spend in the studio, enjoying every second. I've let go of the idea that somehow giving up on neuroscience is a failure. It would be more of a failure if I'd given up on art. Classes felt like punishment before.

I don't know what I'll end up doing with this degree, but I'm feeling like there are a lot of options. I don't have to try to support myself by selling art alone. I can get involved in tons of fields where artistic creativity will be needed. I feel like a million doors have opened to me! I'll have to dip into my savings a bit to cover all my supplies, but as my dad pointed out- I can give my homework as gifts!

My schedule at the start of this year:

Molecular Cell Biology

Physics

Statistics and Experimental Design

Intro to Painting

My schedule now:

Intro to Painting

Intro to Drawing

Intro to Photography

Art in Europe in the 18th Century

AWESOME!

Things I'm stressed about:

Catching up in photo and drawing

Potential work load of three studio classes

Things I'm NOT stressed about:

Not being able to do my homework

Not enjoying my homework

HATING my homework

Being bored in class

HATING class

Doing poorly on exams

Not being able to concentrate on studying

Not liking actual neuroscience

A million mandatory workshops and labs

Turning in problems sets on time

Forgetting things I've already learned

Feeling like I'm never done with work

Feeling like I can't do things I enjoy

And yet it took me two years to figure out that I should be an art major.

Collegiate A Cappella

2010-08-27T11:23:00.001-04:00

One of the first things I knew I wanted to do when I got to college was join an a cappella group. The University of Rochester has four groups, two of which are guys only, one all-women group, and one co-ed group. I knew I absolutely did not want to be in the all-girls group, but I auditioned for it and the co-ed group. I received a call back for each. I was told I'd find out if I'd gotten in on a Saturday. I waited all day, refreshing and refreshing my email. Around midnight, I finally gave up hope that I'd gotten in. I started to change into PJ's when someone knocked on my door. I finished getting dressed, and opened the door. The entire Co-ed group was standing outside my door. Some one blew a pitch pipe, and they all started singing "Stand by Me." All the freshman in my hall came running, circling around and taking pictures. At the conclusion of the song, I was swallowed into a gigantic group hug by my new a cappella group. That was one of the best nights of my freshman year.

Everything looks better from the outside. The group definitely had it's fair share of organizational issues. At the end of my freshman year, I decided to run for Administrative Director. I really wasn't expecting to win. I had run for office in high school, but never came close to getting elected. However, I found myself the new Administrative Director, in effect, the president. My first year in that position was a challenge. I had to figure everything out as I went along, because all old AD's had graduated. However, I really think that I did well, and helped push the group to achieve higher heights. I ran again at the end of last year, and no one ran against me. Now I know what to expect, and I really think all the responsibility I took on last year has made me a more organized person in general, and a better leader. I started preparing for orientation months in advance, reserving rooms for auditions, reminding other executive board members what needed to be done, typing up audition sign up sheets, and responding to people requesting us to sing at various events.

The thing I am most looking forward to is auditions. This Sunday is the annual a cappella interest meeting, where all the groups perform a small set in front of a group of interested freshman, and after which the students can sign up to audition for their group of choice. Auditions begin Tuesday, and end Friday, when we will choose who to call back for a second audition on Saturday. After call backs, there is a huge debate about who to take, and then we send the musical director and another eboard member to a meeting with the other groups. There, each group announces which freshman they would like to take. If there is any overlap between the groups, a third party will call the student and ask which group they'd rather be in. Because of this, we are really almost auditioning for those auditioning for us. I know I probably would have cried if I didn't get in to the co-ed group, and only the girls group.

Auditions are fun and rewarding. We get an opportunity to meet some new freshman, publicize ourselves, hear (sometimes) really great talent, and pick students that will improve our group. My favorite part is when we go to their doors and sing them in!

A little bit about my group: I'm in After Hours. The music we sing is arranged by anyone in the group, and it can be any song. Individual solos are auditioned for and voted on. Here are some songs from our youtube channel:

Shea makes an appearance in this one. We were a parody of the group called The YellowJackets. We are the YellowPants.

Thoughts on Bike Traffic

2010-08-19T13:05:00.000-04:00

If you ride in the car with me while I'm driving, you will notice several things.

1. I hate driving.
2. I am very vocal about it.

Poor Shea. He has to deal with my constant rants at other drivers, pedestrians, and the worst offenders: Bicyclists.

Reasons I hate them:
-They think they are entitled to ride on the road with the cars, yet think they are above such petty things as traffic laws. Red light? Not a match for bikers. No turn on red? Who cares, let's run down the pedestrians!

-They are slow. "The speed limit is 30 mph and you are riding in my lane, Mr. Biker. You may be doing 10 mph. Now I must pass you."

-They are irritating. "I passed you Mr. Biker, now you are behind me! Oh, look, we've reached a red light! What are you doing? Are you still going? You are about to go around my car, aren't you? Now you are in front of me again, going 10mph. I must pass you again."

-They believe they are invincible. "So you were in such a rush that you just HAD to cross four lanes of traffic, and cause us all to slam on our brakes for you, yet you are biking away like nothing happened."

For the few bikers out there who follow traffic laws and don't get in my way again after I pass them, I thank you. For everyone else: PLEASE STAY ON THE SIDE WALK. Do it for Shea's ear drums and sanity.

Summer Visitor and People Issues

2010-08-04T11:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday morning concluded one of the best weeks Shea and I had this summer: Rory came to visit!
I got someone to make coffee for, an incentive to cook regular, delicious meals, endless entertainment, social interaction with someone other than Shea, and an awesome time with a cool person.

I'm actually a little shocked that I never felt like I needed to be alone or hide in the corner as I usually do when someone visits for a while. Rory was an awesome guest. And I'm not sure whether I'm weirder now, or normal by comparison.

Now I'm sad because we have no one else around in Rochester that we regularly hang out with. It's been a little bit of a lonely summer because of this. There are so many interesting, intelligent and rational people out there, but they seem rather hard to come by in Rochester.

There are people I *want* to be friends with, despite their flaws, but I feel like I'm doing all the work in maintaining and developing those friendships, and lately I've just about given up. I've accepted that these people aren't ideal, but they could be. They could be if they returned my emails, followed through when they said they would hang out, or tried to initiate a get together on their own.

I have a lot of issues when it comes to dealing with people. I'm an introvert. I'm shy. I have high standards. I have little patience. I give up very easily when I don't get anywhere with a friendship, because to develop something like that is very draining for me, and it just feels so much easier to forget about it when the efforts are not reciprocated. I usually have to put myself out of my comfort zone to engage with people in the first place, because these people aren't interested in the same kind of outings I am. They like loud music, dancing, and drinking. I would prefer to go to a quiet little coffee shop somewhere and have intelligent conversation. Or to cook them all a fancy dinner at my apartment that doesn't involve people wrestling on my floor (that happened at a dinner I went to at someone else's house). I feel like I can't be me if I want to have friends here, and that's an unacceptable sacrifice. I think I'm a pretty cool person! Other people don't see that, which is partially my fault for holding so much back, but partially because I am not the average college student, and most of the people I know are very average college students. I think I enjoyed the "college experience" the first week I was in a dorm. Now I am very happy living with my boyfriend in our cozy apartment, working full time to support ourselves.

Another problem I'm having is with social interaction itself. I feel so out of my element when I talk to people! I usually have no idea what to say. My typical thoughts when having a conversation:

Person: "Hi!"
Me: Uh oh... "Hi! How are you?"
Person: "I'm good, you?"
Me: "I'm doing fine."... oh god, the conversation is going to awkwardly dwindle now, isn't it? Should I ask another question? What should I ask about? What would a real person talk about? I'll pretend I'm at ease here..."So, er, how is your summer going?"
Person: "It's good! How is yours?"
Me: No fair. That was my question. You should have come up with your own. Now I have to think of something else to say..."It's good. Uh, what have you been up to?"
Person: "I'm working and taking classes."
Me: Please please please help me here! I don't know what to ask you! I don't know how to maintain this conversation! "Where are you working?"
Person: "I'm working at the pediatrics center."
Me: Oh please don't stop talking... I would feel much better just listening! "And... how, how is that?"
Person: "Good."
Me: ...This is not much to work with. What should I ask you now? Should I ask you what you ate for lunch? If you like cats? How you pronounce "route"? If you like pie? If you have ever been skydiving? All these questions are completely inappropriate but they are all I can think of. "... Do... you...er, what do you do at your work?"
Person: "I file papers and other office tasks."
Me: This is boring. I'm not entertained by your job description. Should I be? Are normal people? Should I change the subject? What should I talk about? Should I talk about myself? You didn't ask about me... are you interested? If I did talk about myself, would you think I wasn't interested in what you had to say? Maybe I should try to find common ground and identify with you. "I do similar things where I work."
Person: "Oh."
Me: Noo.... not the "oh"! I have nothing else. Should I tell you I have ice cream sandwiches in my freezer and you are welcome to come and eat one sometime? Would that be awkward? Of course that would be awkward. Here I am barely holding on to this conversation about nothing and I'm going to randomly blurt out that this person is welcome to eat my ice cream. Have we reached the ice cream sharing stage in our relationship? What if they are lactose intolerant? Will they be offended? What if they've told me they were lactose intolerant before? I should pay better attention to people! "Well, I should get going..."
Person: "Okay. Talk to you later!"
Me: "Bye!" AHHH I suck at human interaction. that was just the most boring conversation I've ever had. They probably think I hate them. They probably think I'm boring. I'm going to go find a little hole and curl up in it now...

This doesn't happen just with in person conversations. I find myself over-interpreting emails, tweets, and chats online all the time.
Some examples:

*Someone comments about one of my tweets*
Oh! Wow! Someone was interested in something I said! I'm flattered! ...Now what? Should I reply? What do I say? I can't think of anything to say back to that... But if I don't reply, will they think I'm ignoring them?

*Someone responds to the email I sent to my a cappella group regarding the possibility of doing an upcoming gig. Their email begins: "Seeing as this is sort of my purview, I would like to add my two cents..."*
Your purview? I know you are the business manager, but you haven't been doing much this summer in this domain, and it's been my job to do this for the past year, and you never replied to my first email when I asked you what you thought about it! Are you saying I am stepping on your toes? Doing your job for you? Do you not know what "purview" means? Maybe you are just saying you are good at knowing about gigs. Maybe that was a completely innocent comment. Were you trying to be aggressive? Should I send you a passive aggressive email back that details all the reasons you are wrong? Maybe I should just ignore this. I'm going to pretend that I never read that. Why am I getting so worked up over your use of the word purview?

*I send a co-worker the logos my boss told me to send her. I got them from the company websites, like my boss asked me to. She responds: "Thanks. . .is there any chance we could get higher res versions?"*
Oh, oops! I'm a little embarrassed now... wait... is she being rude? Was that a sarcastic "Thanks"? She put dots after it, like maybe she is actually pissed that I sent her low res versions... Maybe she thinks I'm incompetent. I feel like crap now. I guess I should have known. Wait... maybe she is actually being nice! Maybe she was legitimately thanking me for the effort, and simply requesting something better... We'll go with that option. But I just cant ignore those three dots... She even put spaces between them.

This is how my brain works. This is why it's so exhausting for me to carry on a conversation. I feel like I miss cues, subtle sarcasm, and I can't always tell if someone is sincere or not. And I have no idea what to do about it! My plan is to just keep trying, and maybe someday I'll figure out how to have a meaningful conversation without feeling strained or like I can't be myself.

Henna

2010-07-08T19:01:00.001-04:00

Last weekend was my first festival of the year! I have been doing henna body art at festivals for about 6 years now. It is very profitable and was a nice break from my day job. I missed Shea, who was at the AOS MiniCon, but I didn't really have a whole lot of time to think about that.

I started doing henna when I was 14 after getting some at a girl scouting event. My dad bought me a kit, and I played around with it and decided I really liked it. I bought more and did henna for my family at a reunion. Then my parents sugguested I set up a booth at a small local festival. I ended up making a ton of money, so I got a DBA and a tax ID at the age of 15, and have been doing henna ever since at several festivals a summer.

My first booth was outfitted with a small paper sign and some designs glued to a wooden board. I had camp chairs and a table. I have redecorated considerably since that first summer:

The chairs are actually storage crates with wooden reinforcements and cushions attached (made by my grandmother).

Here is my booth at the Batavia Picnic in the Park from last weekend:

I have a new tent this year. My other one was five years old and pretty mangled.

This festival listed their hours as noon to five. I was working straight from 11:30-5:30! I wish I'd had time to take more pictures, because I'm really proud of the work I did. Here is a small sample mostly taken to show the customers what their henna looked like if it was in a hard-to-see place, with a few practice designs I did on myself.

One of my photographer friends stopped by and took a photo too: http://www.flickr.com/photos/48741272@N03/4762135955/

I have some more photos from previous years on my website: www.phoenixhenna.com

It's back-breaking, thumb-numbing work, but I enjoy it and I make about the same in 5 hours that I get for a week at my other job.

Kittens

2010-06-27T15:02:00.000-04:00

I usually save kitten pictures for sageandginger.blogspot.com, but today I wanted to add a little post here. They are getting so huge. I forgot how fast kittens grow.

Artichokes French

2010-06-27T14:56:00.000-04:00

Shea took me to a really nice restaurant last Thursday, and I had artichokes French, something I'd never tried before. I decided to make my own.

Instead of using a flour coating I am substituting parmesan cheese. I mixed in some pepper, salt, and garlic granules.

Then I prepared an egg bath.

I dipped the artichokes into the egg, and then thoroghally coated them with the cheese mix.

Then I put them in a preheated frying pan on medium with some coconut oil, butter, and vinegar.

I fried them until brown, and served.

Stuffed Portabella Mushrooms

2010-06-24T18:14:00.000-04:00

I got inspired the other night and bought some portabella mushrooms to stuff:

They turned out really yummy.

Recipe:

Some portabella mushrooms

Ground beef

A tomato

A few garlic cloves

Spices

Mozzarella cheese

First I put the ground beef in a pan to brown. I cut up the garlic and let it simmer with the ground beef, along with season salt and pepper, and preheated the oven to 350˚
Next I cleaned the mushrooms and cut off the stems. I spooned out a hollow in each for the stuffing
I cut up a tomato and diced the excess mushroom
I removed the beef from the pan and spooned it into the mushroom caps
Then I put the tomato and mushroom into the pan on low heat until they got a little mushy
I spooned this mixture on top of the ground beef and sprinkled on some grated fresh mozzarella.
I put the mushrooms on a baking pan and put them in the oven for about ten minutes.

Ta-da!

Reconsideration

2010-06-24T15:48:00.001-04:00

I've been only marginally happy for a long time now. I chalked it up to stress and work, but that wasn't the true cause. I started thinking about what was dragging me down, and I realized I have a big issue to contend with.

When I entered college, I wanted to be a wildlife biologist and work out in the field working with animals. I really had no idea what that actually entailed. I also had no idea that Environmental Science wasn't the same thing. I sat in on an environmental science class before registration, and realized it was not for me at all. I read through course descriptions and talked with friends and decided I wanted to try Brain and Cognitive Science (BCS). I had done a project on music and the brain in my senior year of high school, and it was the most excited I was about anything in that school. My first semester when quite well, but it wasn't great. I had some big conversations with Shea, and I decided that BCS didn't go as in depth into the workings of the brain as I'd have liked, so I switched to Neuroscience. The following two semesters were a struggle. I decided that I was going to go on to Graduate school and get a Ph.d so I could head my own music and brain research projects. Last semester, I had my best GPA so far, and enjoyed most of my classes. When summer started, I realized I still wasn't happy, and didn't understand why. A few days ago I realized something. I was positively dreading grad school. I didn't want to write papers and do statistics and deal with politics and still feel like I was just waiting for my life to start. I wanted to have a hands-on job. Nothing I had read about the life of a graduate student was appealing to me in the slightest. Shea and I had another talk. I realized that I had mentally set my path in stone. I really felt (and still do to a certain extent) that I had already committed to my decision. The worse part was that this notion had sucked all the excitement for my major away. I felt like I had no passion, and nothing would make me happy. With Shea's help I am starting to see that I can get this degree and not have a plan at all for what I'm going to do with it. Certain ideas interest me, but I don't know yet if they are what I'll end up doing. The idea of teaching high school science appeals to me more than doing my own research. I have a lot of interests and passions. I love clothes and decorating our home. I love cooking meals and playing with our kittens, painting, drawing, music, and singing. And I really do love science. I'm just not sure how to go about incorporating that into my life.

My plan for now is to forget about grad school. If I someday decide that it's what I want, I can go. I'm going to finish up my degree, living my life more fully than I have been before. I'm not going to put it off anymore, with the excuse that I'm still in college and can't really start life yet. All of my other values get to be a part of it again, not just science. Once I graduate, I can decide what to try next, but until then, I'm going to (gasp) work without a future plan set out.

I feel a little uneasy without that plan, but a whole lot happier.

Cornish Rock Hens

2010-06-13T09:35:00.000-04:00

I made up a recipe the other night which turned out delicious.

I coated two cornish hens with salt, pepper, and garlic granuals. Then I melted a half stick of butter and mixed in about two tablespoons of hickory smoke flavor. I coated the hens with about half of this and then put them in the oven, preheated to 350˚, for and hour and thirty minutes. Half way through I coated them with the rest of the butter and smoke flavor mixture.

Etsy Treasury

2010-06-10T12:35:00.001-04:00

This is what I would buy on Etsy if I could afford it all.

It's here: http://www.etsy.com/treasury/4c11126419246d910cfa91cd/sanguinity

Jetblue Resolution

2010-06-08T23:25:00.000-04:00

Less than a a week ago, Shea and I mentioned via Twitter that we had been having some pretty big issues with our travel plans and the customer service we weren't receiving. I want to say that since that experience, I contacted Jetblue via email with the full details of the treatment we received and they have redeemed themselves. I will detail the entire situation here.

Shea and I were scheduled to fly to Texas through JFK, stay with his family for a few days, fly back to JFK and stay in the city for a few more days, and then fly back to Rochester.

The morning of our first flight, we received a phone call from Shea's dad, who said our flight to JFK had ben cancelled. We were never notified by Jetblue. However, we were able to get an earlier flight to JFK and join his parents on their flight to Texas. We had a trouble free trip until the morning of our flight home.

Around 9am on Thursday June 3rd, we received an automated phone call from Jetblue, telling us our flight had been cancelled. Again. Shea then called customer service to try to figure out why the flight was cancelled, and how we could get home. After being on hold for 20 minutes, a representative told us that it wasn't Jetblue that cancelled the flight, but Air Traffic Control. They would not do anything to help us, and could not get us on any other flights home that night, so Shea asked to talk to a supervisor. He explained our issues, and was told multiple time that they were not responsible for the weather. Shea asked how the decision was made, and the supervsior refused to explain becuase it was too complex. She then stated that Jetblue operations made the decision, not Air Traffic Control, to which Shea replied "Then someone is lying to me." She answered "If you threaten me, I'll disconnect." She continued to be nasty and condescending, and refused to help us at all even though due to cancellations our trip had been screwed up twice. She disconnected after some more condescending comments saying, "I don't feel like arguing with you."

Shea called customer service again and asked to speak directly to a different supervisor. This supervisor was wonderful, and apologetic after we explained our issues. She issued us vouchers because of the frustration we had to deal with. She told us that part of the reason for the cancellation was that the fight was not full. Still, she said there was really nothing else she could do to help get us home that night, so she issued us a refund.

We then had to book a new flight through Delta, which was more money than our original tickets.

The story does not end here.

We got to the airport around 7pm and realized that because of a booking error on Side Step, we had actually bought tickets for a flight on June 17, not June 3. We got a refund of that ticket, and went to try to get on that night's flight, but the only seats were $700 a piece. We declined.

In a bit of a panic, we searched Side Step again for flights into Rochester that night. We couldn't find anything. Then we checked the "Search nearby airports" button. Then there it was, a flight from JFK to Buffalo (about an hour from Rochester)! Why hadn't ANY of the service representatives we'd talked to mentioned this? Tickets were over $100 more than our original tickets to Rochester, but we needed to get home, and our vouchers would cover half of the out-of-pocket expense. We went online at the airport so we could book and use our vouchers, but their website would not let us even search for the flight to book, because it claimed June 3rd was before June 3rd. We knew the flight existed, so we ran into the ticketing line, not having time to call customer service and be put on hold again. When we got to the desk, the agent got our seats, but then informed us that he couldn't use our vouchers either.

Extremely frustrated, we got through security and to the gate, where I called customer service. The first person I spoke with told me she was sorry that had happened, and she would get a supervisor to run the vouchers for us. I was put on hold again. The supervisor answered, and told me that it was too close to the flight for her to use the vouchers. I explained our entire situation to her, and she said there was absolutely nothing she could do. I asked for a monetary refund to help cover all the extra costs, and she refused saying we were responsible for them since we accepted a refund on the first flight and rebooked. She said we could use the vouchers on a future flight. I asked her why I would ever want to fly with Jetblue again after how we had been treated. I was crying over the phone at the unfairness of the situation and how much money their mistakes had cost us, but she remained unapologetic and repeated the same thing about it being our problem over and over again. I gave the phone to Shea. He tried to get answers, and she eventually hung up on him.

That's the situation. Here is the solution.

I sent Jetblue and email, detailing all of this. Here is the final paragraph:

"It is not our fault that YOUR website malfunctioned. It is not our fault that YOUR service agents omitted the existence of the Buffalo flight. It is not our fault that YOU canceled the original flight, and lied to us about the reason. It is not our fault that YOUR airport representatives could not use our vouchers. Yet YOUR mistakes
have cost us over $200 that we can barely afford. The last supervisor informed me that the vouchers would still be good for a future flight. Why would I EVER want to subject myself to this horrible experience again? I can't trust JetBlue to get me home or to treat me fairly and respectfully. I happen to live in Rochester, and if flights are canceled this frequently to and from Rochester, what I am to do when we book MONTHS in advance to get a lower price, and then because of the incompetency of your employees have to pay hundreds more!
What I think should have been done:
Jetblue should have immediately booked us on the Buffalo flight without charging us extra during our
very first call.
Jetblue should have been honest with us regarding the reason for the cancellation.
Jetblue should have been able to use our vouchers, or compensate us for them. I would have been happier if you had taken back the vouchers and given us their value in a refund credit to help pay for the new flight. What I think would be the most fair, given all these mistakes, would be to credit us to the credit card used the difference in value between the refund we received and the tickets we were forced to buy. If you had rebooked us on this flight, we would have paid the exact same price for those tickets. Because you made an error, we had to pay you 200 more for the tickets. For all I care you can take back the vouchers to do this. It would be no extra cost to you to do what you should have done in the first place, and would start to repair the damage you have done. I
used to think customer service mattered to Jetblue. Now I am feeling taken advantage of. I truly hope if you value your customers you will do something to make amends here."

Today at work I received a phone call from a very very apologetic Jetblue employee. She felt very bad when I told her I couldn't talk because I was at work, and asked if she could call back tonight. She said she wanted to apologize and take care of some stuff.

She called around 8. I was not expecting what came next. She offered her most sincere apologies, and stated that she was appalled at what had happened to us. She was genuinely angry and disappointed at the lack of service we had received. They had actually listened to the recorded conversation between Shea and the first supervisor, and were appalled by her behavior. They are conducting a review with her and meeting with her supervisors, on top of an internal review regarding the entire issue. She immediately offered me a huge compensation. I won't state here exactly how we were compensated, but I will say that it more than covered our out of pocket expense, plus more vouchers to thank us for our patience and understanding. Yes, Jetblue screwed up, but the phone call and sincere apology was the most personal and best customer service I have ever received. She then sent a follow-up email, and told me to respond to it if I EVER have any issues with Jetblue again. She really worked to right what had been done wrong. I only wish that all Jetblue's representatives were so helpful. I will definitely be flying JetBlue again.

Where I Grew Up

2010-06-08T07:38:00.000-04:00

It's nothing special, but it was home for 20 years. It feels weird to call it "My Parents' House." Shea and I visited for an impromptu cookout.

My window used to be the top right.

The shed my dad built

My dad's method of hot dog roasting involves a chainsaw.

Dinner

2010-06-07T21:22:00.001-04:00

Got on the ball and made dinner tonight. Sous vide pork shoulder and stir-fried asparagus:

Real Living

2010-05-20T13:08:00.001-04:00

After two hellish years of living in dorms, Shea and I are finally free. Our housing contract is up, the lease for the new apartment is signed, and all of our belongings are moved in (but not quite unpacked). We have full time jobs this summer, two sweet little kittens, and time to pursue projects that we couldn't work on during the school year.
Now I'm trying to figure out where my life is going. My fear is that although it feels like life has started, once next semester rolls around I'll feel like I'm back where I started. Yes, I have a real home to live in, but that wasn't the only issue I've struggled with in college. Classes and the amount of studying I have to do for them have been very time consuming in the past. I'm taking Physics, Cell Biology, Linguistics, and Statistics next semester, and I think it's going to be challenging, as I'll also be balancing an executive role in my a cappella group, and 12 hour work weeks. I sometimes wonder if it is possible to be happy in college. It seems like it's designed to consume your life, and allow no room for what I consider "real living." I very much hope that I'm wrong. What I mean when I say "real living" is the ability to balance the amount of time I spend achieving my different values. Studying neuroscience, and obtaining my B.S. are two very big values. However, so are homecooked meals, eating healthy, singing, sleeping, painting, shopping, kittens, relaxing, and my relationship with Shea. Last semester, whenever I was doing something unrelated to academics, I felt guilty and couldn't enjoy it fully. In this case, getting my degree is one of my highest values, so I think it would be wrong to sacrifice my progress towards it to lesser values like shopping or playing video games. If this is what I think, then why do I feel so unhappy during the school year? Shouldn't I enjoy all the work, knowing how it will pay off? It's obviously not everything that I want to do. I don't really care for physics or linguistics, but I need to fulfill those requirements to get my degree so I can go on to grad school and get a PhD so I can do the kind of research I want to do. Does that mean I should enjoy those classes, or does that mean I should happily suffer through them? I know college is a lot of hard work, but I'm not sure how to know if I'm going about it the right way. Should I be miserable, or does that mean I'm doing something wrong? I've questioned my decision to be a neuroscientist many times. I could drop out and be a musician or an artist, but I truly believe I would be bored. I tell myself that I can do all those things as hobbies.
What I am wondering is if it is reasonable to expect a stable life while getting this degree. By that I mean to carry my job and a cappella group responsibilities, do well in my classes and learn what I need to learn, get a reasonable amount of sleep, and be able to cook regular *healthy* meals. A plus would be to have the option of doing something fun every other weekend or so.
My past experience tells me it could be possible. I have never pulled an all-nighter. Part of the reason for that is once I hit 2:00 am my brain shuts down and refuses to comprehend anything put in front of it. This means I've probably had a better sleep schedule than most of my peers. I have been able to cook some healthy meals before I had a real kitchen. They were by no means often, but now that Shea and I have the SVS, a reasonably sized kitchen, and a table to eat at I think it could be possible. Based on the end of this semester, I don't think studying will be that excruciating as long as I can do it at home. I have a designated office space now, and a comfy couch to read on. There is space to spread out and breathe, and two little kittens to snuggle if I get frustrated. I wasn't completely miserable during finals week, and this ended up being my best semester by far. I think the biggest question is whether or not I can expect to allow myself the luxury of watching tv, going shopping, or doing other fun, relaxing things (like painting) without jeopardizing my progress on my degree. Will I ever not feel guilty for doing something other than school work? Is it my fault if I am miserable, or is it just something that comes with the territory? I think I'll be happier overall because while my life will be extremely busy, it will have all the basic necessities that I've done without for two years, but I do hope that when I go back to school I don't end up feeling like I'm giving up "real living."

The Physiological Mechanisms and Effects of Music on Human Emotion

2010-04-27T11:24:00.007-04:00

This is a literature review I wrote for for a music cognition course I am enrolled in. I was fairly limited, because we were limited to 6 pages, and 4 sources. If I had my way, it would probably be much more comprehensive. Enjoy!

Music and Emotion

Do you believe there is a god?

2010-04-22T15:19:00.003-04:00

It started out as something to pass the time during my most boring class of the day.
Just for amusement I asked random strangers on Omegle if they believed in a god, and why.

I’ve compiled some of the results here.
Out of 40 people, I was able to divide the responses into several categories:

Yes, No reason: 14 people
Yes, Moral reasons: 1 person
Yes, Umm... 4 people
???: 4 people
Refusal to answer:12 people
No: 4 people
Mixed: 1 person

These are some of my yeses:

Some of my rather confusing responses:

Some of my “no” responses:

My mixed response:

Overall, a rather depressing experiment.

Things that are Awesome

2010-02-21T12:42:00.003-05:00

I'm feeling happy today, and I want to share some stuff that makes me happier.

The first is one of the gifts I got Shea for Christmas.

ThinkGeek :: DIY Music Box Kit

It comes with a few strips of music paper and a whole punch so you can play your own music! I punched out a song I wrote for Shea a year ago (Shea's Theme- for reference, see here )

It really wasn't hard and came with an instruction booklet. I think that as long as you can get a hold of the sheet music for the song you want, you can punch it without any musical background.

Here it is in action:

Something else that is

awesome:

Ear warmers with headphones!

I bought a pair today, because it's really cold in Rochester, and I really like music! My ears are always the first things to go numb outside, and I am always sad that I have no desire to stick cold plastic headphones in them to enjoy music.

Next...

RORUS! It's what Rory gave Shea for valentines day, completely outdoing me :-/

Here is a cool thing for people in dorms that would rather their dorms didn't smell like dorms:

Scent Bugs

You can put fragrance oil in them and press a button and a little fan comes on that makes the room smell nice. I went with pineapple mango.

Something that I love for its beauty and

geekiness:

I bought a pair of these and turned them into friendship necklaces for Shea and I (only we got G and C because the bond more strongly than U and A).

Something that I love and use every morning:

Something that I want to fill my future apartment with:

I love pottery. I really wish I had time to learn to make my own. I especially like chocolate and navy glazes.

I may post more awesome things in the future, but I'm out of ideas for today.

Music and the Mind

2010-02-09T20:15:00.000-05:00

My number one ambition in life is to study the brain and music cognition. I want to discover the physiological mechanism for emotional response to music. I want to know why we enjoy it so much, why some make it the focus of their lives, and why the world would be completely different in it's absence.

Therefore, I am at the University of Rochester working on my B.S. in neuroscience. This semester I found the perfect class to fit my interests: Music and the Mind. I have a lot of thoughts about the material we've covered and about material I think so far has been missing that I want to discuss. Conveniently, I have a midterm for this class on Thursday, so I'm using this as an opportunity to comment on the class material so far.

The first big topic we discussed was absolute pitch. Popularly called "Perfect Pitch," AP is the ability to label pitches by name with no external reference. If I could do this, my a cappella group would never need a pitch pipe again, because I could just sing them our starting note. I could tell you what note my refrigerator was humming (although not terribly useful that would be cool!). I could also tell if I was singing off key, which would be a lovely skill to have. Although it seems that a skill like this would make me into a better musician, there isn't a whole lot of evidence that AP possessors are innately better musicians. So why do 1 in 10,000 people have it? What purpose does it serve? How do they get it?

There seems to be strong evidence for some sort of critical period involved in the acquisition of AP. This evidence is based off of surveys which show that AP possessors started formal music training before the age of 6. Other studies claim that AP is innate and everyone is born with it, but go through an "unlearning" process. Head turning studies on babies have given some evidence that this theory may have some merit, although the details are vague.

This is only one side of the two-component theory for AP though. Pitch labeling seems to be a skill that few individuals possess. The other component is pitch memory. This seems to be wide spread throughout the population. A study done by Daniel Levitin showed that random people off the street could sing back their favorite song within semitones of the actual key it was written in. Other studies showed that subjects performed above chance in a task in which they had to identify which of two recordings of a popular TV theme song had been transposed and which was in the original key. So why do people possess this skill?

Theories exist that say music evolved accidentally, and that originally its precursors conferred some sort of sexual advantage or survival benefit. Some say that music was no accident, and that it provides survival benefits in itself, such as group bonding, sexual attraction to those proficient at it, and as a form of communication. Based on the evidence I've seen so far, I align myself with the thinking of the latter.The implications of the former theory are that all the components of music evolved separately and then in some massive genetic accident that affected nearly every human on earth each converged to form the phenomenon of music. An experiment done in 2005 by McDermott and Hauser gave evidence that non human primates do not perceive dissonance to be undesirable the way humans do. Proponents for the theory that music evolved as a whole find this experiment to be further evidence. If our evolutionary ancestors don't have this key part of music perception, where did that piece of the whole come from? I believe that the reason humans are the only species who have music as a part of everyday life is because it did evolve as a whole.

The rest of the class to this point has been about psychoacoustics and what physical actions create the vibrations that we perceive as pitch. While fascinating, I don't have much to comment on. There are some very interesting auditory illusions we've discussed, such as Shepard tones:

If you listen carefully, you can catch the trick.

While interesting, we have yet to discuss what I'm most interested in:

Why does that song elicit the emotion that it does? You feel it in the pit of your stomach. It seems to move you. How? Why? Why should vibrations in the air converted to electrical impulses in the inner ear be able to communicate so clearly a vivid, raw emotion? Your skin temperature changes. Your pulse quickens. You feel yourself moving to the beat. You are experiencing what the person who wrote it wanted you to feel. Composers don't have a knowledge of how the brain functions, but they can put together notes and rhythm and volume and have an orchestra play it just the right way so that they express to you a specific emotion. I want to study why music should make people feel anything at all, why the emotions felt seem to be so universal, and how someone can translate their feelings into a musical composition to begin with. I doubt that a composer chooses a minor third to convey sadness because of his vast knowledge of the change in cortisol levels that results upon hearing this interval. Is it something learned, or is it innate? Could we be conditioned to perceive a perfect fifth as sad and a minor third as happy if that was how the culture utilized those intervals? Or could an individual never exposed to music before perceive the emotion Clint Mansell was trying to communicate through Lux Aeterna?

There is some thought that mirror neurons are responsible for the reflection of emotion in the listener, just as they are though to be involved in a baby learning to smile by watching someone else do it. Functional MRI studies have shown that just thinking about a song produces the same neural response as hearing it. I plan to read more into the subject and find out if the same brain activity is occurring in the composer as he conceptualizes a piece of music, and in the listener as he hears the finished product. If this is true, how and why?

These are the kind of questions I want to make a career out of answering. I'll let you know what I find out.

Dinner Party and Drawing

2010-01-24T12:08:00.000-05:00

I made progress towards three of my new years resolutions

this weekend, and it really paid off.

Last night, I had a birthday dinner party for some of my friends with whom I'd like to become closer. I would consider it a great success. A few people didn't show who said they would, but I was very happy with the turnout. I cooked all day to put together the following menu:

Appetizers:

Chocolate-dipped Bananas

Chocolate-dipped Strawberries

Pineapple and Cream Cheese Dip

Fresh Strawberries

Entrees:

Slow-Roasted Marinated Beef Ribs

Parmesan-Crusted Baked Chicken

Sides:

Mozzarella-Baked Broccoli with Lemon Zest

Spinach Sautée

Dessert:

Caramelized Sautéed Bananas

Being able to cook this much food (which all turned out delicious) was very refreshing. I also really enjoyed the company of the guests. I am typically not a very social person. I get overwhelmed easily and would usually rather be by myself. This was a VERY small get together, as I live in a VERY small dorm/apartment, but the size was perfect for me. There were from 4-5 guests at any given time. They all enjoyed the food and we had some very nice conversations. I am very happy I decided to put this together, despite my initial fears, and the time it took up. I still need work on reaching out and not putting up walls, but I am really pleased with this start.

The other bit of progress I made was in the drawing department. I have been wanting to keep up a sketch book, but never got around to doing regular sketches last year. The other night I got inspired, picked up a pencil and drew. It isn't anything fancy, and my technique needs a lot of work, but thats the whole point. Drawn with mechanical pencil (I couldn't find my drawing pencils) by the light of my LCD alarm clock:

I didn't fully finish it before I fell asleep, but I'm pleased with how such a quick drawing turned out. I am really terrible at drawing faces/heads unless they are the focus of the piece, but I plan to improve that through drawings like these. This is by no means on of my better sketches, and I hope to be able to create more of the caliber of my best piece so far:

Success!

2010-01-06T22:50:00.000-05:00

A year ago, I skied for the first time in Colorado after years of skiing the small little hills in Western NY. I was terrified. The green circles were about the same difficulty as the black diamonds of my native ski hill.

I would classify myself as an intermediate skier, and I knew my skill level well enough to know that I could handle the terrain, but it made no difference. I couldn't get over the fear of standing at the top of a hill and looking down. I was so afraid I would crash or lose control that those paranoias filled my mind and made it very hard to enjoy myself.

This year I was afraid the same thing would happen. I like skiing! Why couldn't I just relax and have a good time?

After getting over some pretty bad altitude sickness I went out on the slopes.

I guess a year of working on this fear issue paid off. I started out easy, and as soon as I felt at all nervous I made sure I recognized how in control I felt, how easy the slope actually was, and how much fun it was. To my surprise, the fear dissolved. I was able to ski the beginner hills with out much effort at all, until altitude sickness kicked in again.

Today I went out for the second time, and it was awesome! I was out for about five hours, and never found myself too scared to ski a hill. Occasionally I would feel a little jolt of fear as I reached a steep incline, but I would remind myself that I had successfully skied equally difficult hills before without a problem. The fear dissolved and I continued down the hill, able to enjoy the incredible view, the excellent conditions, and how fun skiing is when you aren't afraid.

I skied mostly blue squares, and would have even tried a black diamond except they were all covered in moguls, which I really have no interest in skiing through.

I'm so glad that the stress is gone and I can enjoy myself fully. Also, I have a valuable tool to put to use when I next attempt to drive stick.

Resolutions

2010-01-01T14:32:00.000-05:00

I've really been meaning to update this blog a little more often than I have, so I think a great way to start off the new year is with a post. Hopefully more will follow.

This New Year's Eve was spend with Shea in Niagara Falls. We sat down and wrote out our resolutions in the hotel room a couple hours before midnight. Mine are as follows:

1. Consistently do the reading for class. I seriously neglected this last semester. I ended up very behind in my classes because I wouldn't do the reading until after the lecture (if at all), so class didn't make as much sense as it could have. I also ended up cramming a lot of reading in during finals week, and my grades suffered as a result.

2. Cook more, make full meals, and eat healthier. Something that really improved my quality of life last semester was the ability to cook my own food in my own kitchen, and not eat so much unhealthy campus food. I want to try new recipes and try to cook regular dinners, and hopefully lose the little weight I've gained from unhealthy eating habits.

3. Don't put off studying so long. I procrastinated a lot. I need to give myself more studying time in the future.

4. Write in Journal Regularly. I wrote several journal entries when I was struggling with emotional conflicts, and it really helped me sort them out. I want to make this a regular habit in the future. I'm also going to add more regular blog posts to this one, for the same reasons.

5. Get organized. I need to have a reliable system for storing papers and books so that when I need to study, I don't have to tear apart the apartment to find the materials.

6. Manage money better. I want to save more and spend less. I have a job, and this semester is paid for, so there really is no excuse for my money not to build.

7. Try to keep clean clothes more abundant. Doing laundry is a pain, but an even bigger pain is doing a lot of laundry at once.

8. Try to draw/paint/create art for fun and improvement regularly. Art is something I truly enjoy, and haven't made enough time for. I need that to change.

9. Practice Singing Regularly. I take voice lessons through the Eastman School of Music, and for me, getting an A is easy even without practice. However, it's an awesome opportunity, and I could learn SO much more if I practiced regularly.

10. Be better about cleaning up messes. I tend to pile my books/coats/bookbag on one chair when I get home, and leave coffee mugs on my desk, making a much bigger mess to clean up all at once.

11. Read non-required readings. I have a lot of books that I'm either half-way through or haven't even started that I want to read.

12. Reach out to more potential friends. There are many people at the U of R, and although many I've found are not people I'd choose to associate with, I shouldn't give up on the rest of them.

13. Get better about talking on the phone. I absolutely HATE calling doctors/customer service people/friends. I'd prefer to email or text.

14. Focus more on what I know, and less on the grades I receive. I am getting much better at this, but there is still much room for improvement. I am in college to gain knowledge about subjects that interest me and will help me pursue a career. A poor GPA might hinder my grad school search, but not caring about the material I've learned will harm my whole career.

15. Make a better effort to learn to drive stick. Shea and I have a Jeep Wrangler. I cannot drive it and I am completely terrified every time I attempt, but I know I will get comfortable with it if I stop avoiding practicing.

Well, that's it for this year's list. I hope you are having a great start to 2010!

Fear

2009-09-08T12:55:00.000-04:00

I wrote this several weeks ago on the back of a napkin in Starbucks:

As school draws closer I'm starting to feel a gnawing feeling grow in my chest. I remember going to college last year thinking I would be a straight-A student just like in high school. That was not the case. I especially struggled the beginning of second semester, and at time gave up hope that I had the ability to be successful. Although I was able to turn my academics around for the most part, the fear of repeating that nightmare is still with me.

What I have to do now is figure out if this emotion is justified. I recognize that a number of factors contributed to my poor performance last year, and intelligence was not one of them. My living situation, family problems, difficulty motivating myself, procrastination, attention span, fear of asking questions, and a large jump in the difficulty of class material were the biggest factors.

All of these things are completely within my control to either change, or find a solution. I have been working on and improving missing skills the whole summer. Additionally, fear of failure is not useful. The knowledge of what can lead to failure is. I have learned so much about the kind of skills I need to have and improve to do well, and I know that I can't let fear stand in my way. I've noticed that controlling my fear is really just another issue I need to work on, not a reason to dread the upcoming school year.

If I were to let the fear of falling down once keep me from getting back up, that would be the worst kind of failure there is.

Garlic

2009-04-19T19:10:00.000-04:00

Recipe for driving everyone on your floor crazy: Simmer one clove of minced garlic on the stove until the smell permeates every wall. People will run to the kitchen to see what smells so delicious.

Oven Beef Jerky!

2009-04-16T15:41:00.000-04:00

I found a simple enough snack to make that is more filling and more healthier than most of the snack like food available on campus! All you need is access to an oven, ground beef, and a beef jerky kit. It was very simple to make, and very tasty.
I mixed up some beef jerky cure and seasoning with two pounds of ground beef, and refrigerated the mixture overnight. The next morning, Shea spread it out onto two pans and cut it into slices. We set the oven to 200˚F and put the pans in. So far it's been in for about five hours, and its finally starting to look like jerky.